I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
