update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We need to get me chipped asap
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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