I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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