Small penises have feelings too.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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