I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it's like iHOP with fire
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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