Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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