I smell stomach acid.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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