i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
