You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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