i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
