may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
