AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
