so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
