she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
