I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
