My sheets look like a crime scene.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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