Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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