FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
