my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
