so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
