I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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