i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
