Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
