So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
