dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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