My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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