we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
