please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
