I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
