we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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