No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
the liver wants what the liver wants
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
