fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize