News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i now understand why vodka
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize