god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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