the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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