worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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