You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
