I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
