This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
