You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
