After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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