shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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