At least make sure they are 18
Why
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
