i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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