i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
