dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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