so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
me + whiskey = a bad person
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
