If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
