This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
