The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
should my penis look like a turkey
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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