Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize