Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize