i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
