Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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