I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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