I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
