it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
