when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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