I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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