I want to have your abortion
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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