he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
