you guys were way drunker than both of me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
