i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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