I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
