Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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