hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
