hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
